Notes from Two Lectures/Thoughts on Resiliance, Shame & Becoming a Person

I sat in on my husband's class today and took the following notes from his class with Professor Dan Zink. I also wove in some notes from another lecture I attended two days ago, given by Dr. Curt Thompson. Here they are:

"Be Becoming a Person"
Ephesians 1:1-15; 3:14-20. 
To be a person means to be open-hearted; resilient. Resilience has not been studied much. Some fascinating research; Hawaiian study. Emmy Werner studied people for 40 years.
Resilience: more than bouncing back. (no back to bounce back to!) Sense of a person being real and risk having people know them though they are a mess is a sign they are resilient. In counseling, the goal is to help the client be resilient; to not have them close down despite their circumstances. 
"...eyes of your heart enlightened...strengthen your inner being." (see verses from above portions) We are image-bearers, which means we have agency, which means we have capacity. We must be encouraged to relate to life open-heartedly in the face of what life throws at us. Resiliency DOES NOT equal "tough." 
Dan Allender's book "Wounded Heart." He talks about the aftermath of sexual abuse (or any other big or little trauma/nurturing absence we have experienced), and how we end up with relational strategies (styles of relating to other people). He categorizes three responses: "good," "tough," or "party girl/[lguy.]" Tough girls are not strong if there is much vulnerability. They think they are tough as they keep you at a distance so that no one knows who they are. The isolation in reality makes them weak. Party girls give up. They have the attitude of "eat, drink, and be merry." The good girls believe deeply that something is wrong with them so they work really, really hard. They work hard so that they can become worthy enough for people to love them. These styles of relating are all defensive.
How and when are we to be vulnerable? It takes committed connection.  It is assessing whether or not a "...relationship has an expiration date on it far enough out that it's worth taking a risk to be vulnerable." 
Edward Teyber: "Interpersonal Process in Therapy" addresses this issue.
Dr Curt Thompson ("Anatomy of the Soul") talks about the importance of being in tune with the 8 senses. So there are the typical 5 (taste, smell, see, hear, and touch), and then the sixth is the sense of what is going on inside our bodies, the seventh is the capacity of being aware that we are sensing these things, and the eighth is the capacity to sense the same thing in other people. Pay attention so we can do the eighth one well. It is important to learn this yourself before you can do it with others. Focus on yourself so that you can focus on others. If we don't pay attention to what our body is saying we will miss what God is saying to us. I Corinthians. 6:19.  When working with others simple questions are best. "What are you feeling towards me?" It helps people pay attention to their own hearts. Ultimately you will get to shame. Another good question: "How do you perceive yourself?"
Two types of secrets: mouth secrets and heart secrets. Better to have secrets of the mouth, more than secrets of the heart (Reference Patrick Rothfuss' book "The Wiseman's Fear," pg. 448) . "They [heart secrets] are private and painful, and we want nothing more than to hide them from the world. They do not swell and press against the mouth. They live in the heart, and the longer they are kept, the heavier they become...Given enough time, they cannot help but crush the heart that holds them." (pg. 489). The person with heart secrets is near, but not "with" you. [Professor Zink now pauses to take notice of the atmosphere change in the room. It is heavier]
Shame's primary purpose is to isolate us. We must be willing to go those places in the heart and share these in safe community.
We cannot change unless we present our whole bodies to God (Rom. 12:1,2). It's not just the mind. Our emotions are included in this. 
Ways to change:
1) Aerobic exercise: stimulates biochemistry which leads to neural growth and aids in depression.
2) Good sleep/rest: sabbath was made FOR man). Cut screen time an hour before bed. Are we living hurried or restful lives?
3) Appetite & diet: cut portions by half or a third and chew more slowly. 
4) Mindfulness. Pay attention to the present moment.
5) Meaningful Novelty: explore creativity.
6) Cultivate deeply connected intimate relationships: change is impossible apart from community
All change takes HARD WORK. Perseverance changes the brain.
How do we help people wrestle with their shame?
The best answers are less rational and more wholehearted. 
What is the relationship between forgiveness and resilience? We mess up in the church by starting with forgiveness. First, we must start with the process of grief, particularly anger. We need to be ambassadors of anger. We must get realistic about loss. We can get stuck by shutting the anger down. There are definitely wrong ways of expressing anger, but there are good ways of being angry at losses and abuses. Not to stay in the anger, but to be realistic about what happened. After the grieving process, we can now talk about why the abuser, for example, might have been the way he or she was without covering up what they've done. It takes courage to face this. Grief and forgiveness together is a letting go process. Forgiveness: letting go of making people pay. Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same thing. This is not a quantitative process. It may take days or it may reoccur and you will have to work through it again. Grief: the process of letting go of hope (Have to be careful here to define this. Hope here means: "it doesn't really matter.").        

Gluten-Free Spicy Candied Ginger Cookies

These cookies are warm and spicy; dense and slightly crisp. They explode in your mouth as a burst of flavor...and, they are gluten-free! Delicious by themselves, but would also make a wonderful pair to a cup of coffee or tea.

Here's the recipe:

1 cup of Red Mill Gluten-Free Flour
1/4 cup almond meal
2 T flax meal
1 teaspoon soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 teaspoons each: cinnamon, freshly ground cloves, ground ginger
3/4 cup sunflower oil
1/2 cup plus 4 T brown sugar
2 T finely minced candied ginger
1 large egg white
2 T dark agave nectar
Additional sugar for rolling

1) Put a rack in the center of the oven; preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease 2 cookie sheets. Set aside. 

2) Whisk together flour, almond meal, flax meal, soda, salt, and spices in a bowl. 

3) Whisk sunflower oil, 1/2 cup plus 2 T brown sugar, egg white, and candied ginger until thoroughly combined. Add the egg white and agave nectar and mix well. Add the flour mixture and mix well again. Put the leftover brown sugar for rolling in a bowl. 

4) Roll about a tablespoon of the dough into balls with your fingers and roll the balls into the sugar; place on the prepared baking sheets spaced 2 inches apart. Dip the bottom of a glass in sugar and press each ball into a 2 1/2-inch round

  

5) Bake until lightly browned, about 12 minutes. Let the cookies rest on the sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a rack or plate to cool. 

Eye Infection Cured

 

 

I desperately flipped through this book one morning when my husband Matt woke up, looked in the mirror, and proclaimed that his eye was infected and swelling up yet again. 

He'd already been to his primary doctor three times in just a couple of months for antibiotics to get rid of the staph infection in his eye that keeps producing styes, swelling, redness, pain, and discharge. He was beyond frustrated. "I'm going to an eye doctor this time!" he exclaimed. We knew he just could not do another round of antibiotics.

That's when I grabbed the book. I looked up antibiotic in the index and was directed to a section on what oils had antibacterial properties. I saw a little box off to the side that gave a instructions for an 

Essential Oil Antibiotic Regimen

In a "00" capsule put 12 drops of Thieves, 6 drops of oregano, and 2 drops of frankincense. Ingest one capsule every 4 hours for 3 days, and then every 8 hours for 4 days. 

I ended up using 10 drops of Thieves, 5 drops of oregano oil, and 3 drops of frankincense because the original amounts seemed to overflow the capsule. We did the treatment for 7 days as instructed and my husband's eye swelling went down and returned to normal. He's not had to return to the doctor. This is a FIRST. His eye has always gotten worse even after compresses and washing it regularly with diluted baby shampoo. 

Needless to say we both were thrilled, but especially my husband! 

Essential oils are amazing! If you want to learn more, click here: http://on.fb.me/VIWiNP

From Lotion to Music: My Massage Favorites

I am always reading reviews and looking at blogs for help in making decisions to purchase or use a product so I thought I'd share a few of my favorite things with you so that you can enjoy these as much as I do!

Quality is important to me, so is a naturally-made product. While plain, cold-pressed oil is still the best choice for massage, it's not always practical when it comes to trying to get the product washed out of hair, clothes, and sheets. The best lotion I've used so far is Soothing Touch Ayurveda Massage Lotion. It's free of parabens, propylene glycol, formaldehyde, TEA, DEA & PEG, phthalates, and synthetic fragrance. It is also gluten-free. 
It contains coconut, castor, and mustard oils and produces a very faint tingle. I enjoy smelling it, and I can pick out the mustard and coconut when I sniff it. The glide is perfect too!

I usually order mine from Massage Warehouse: http://www.massagewarehouse.com/products/soothing-touch-ayurveda-massage-lotion/

I have a client who loves lavender and usually comes in for a massage just to relax. I adore the boost and mellow affects even I benefit from when I use a few drops of Young Living lavender oil in my client's massage. The smell is absolutely wonderful. You can order here: 
http://on.fb.me/VIWiNP

Three other essential oils I use regularly in my massage are copaiba, Aroma-Siez, and spearmint. 

Copaiba is an anti-inflammatory and useful for muscle stiffness.

Aroma-Siez helps muscle spasms, aids circulation, loosens muscles, relaxes, and relieves pain. It also has an uplifting and refreshing smell. 

Spearmint is what I use for the end of the massage on the scalp. It enlivens and awakens after the deep relaxation affects of the massage. 

Here's the link again for the oils: http://on.fb.me/VIWiNP

Another important aspect of massage is music. Have you grown tired of Midi flutes and fake bird sounds? Me too! It's hard to find good albums out there that are conducive to relaxation and a snobby musical ear. A couple of albums I've been using recently that I've enjoyed are Breathe In, by Dustin O'Halloran, and Avalon Sutra by Harold Budd. 


Breathe In is contemplative and relaxing with a bit of an ambient sound, woven together with beautiful piano and violin phrases. 

  
Avalon Sutra, by Harold Budd, is a dreamy, melancholy, and enigmatic album with contemporary classical and ambient flavors. Piano, synth pads, violin, saxophone, and electronic instruments combine to make this a unique and eclectic treat. 

 

I use Spotify (https://www.spotify.com/us/), a digital music service, which is $10 a month. It allows me to stream and download unlimited music, which I play via Bluetooth through a wireless speaker.




 

Sore Throats, Sneezing, & Superpower Plants

I love essential oils! I use them every day. When did this obsession start? Not sure when, but it was a very long time ago...

It's still going. 

Recently I've come to love not just the scent and the emotional benefit of essential oils, but also their physical effects. It never ceases to amaze me how these little "healers in a bottle" do such a big job for our bodies. 

I was down in Florida visiting my in-laws a few weeks ago. Usually when there I am forced to take an antihistamine. I had seen many online posts about using lavender, lemon, and peppermint to combat the effects of allergies. I decided to take my Young Living oils with me and try them instead of the medication if need be. 

Sure enough, after a day or two in the muggy and mildewy air I began sniffing and sneezing. The symptoms would not go away until I popped a capsule (3 drops each) of lavender, lemon, and peppermint. A few minutes after I swallowed, the symptoms would abate for a few hours. Sometimes I rubbed 1 drop each of the oils on my shoulders to give the internal dose an extra kick. It worked every time and I never once had to take an allergy pill. Quite impressed, I have to say! 

Then there was my parent's home, and Tigger, our family's overgrown and very fluffy kitty. I love me some Tigger, but my body doesn't react too well to her fur. I popped the oils and was fine.

My sister graduated this year and Mom did her wonderful and usual thing of making mounds of decadent and delicious food, some of which was off our diet, like the rich, creamy macaroni and cheese, and the almond cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. There were also the nightly binges of ice cream, chocolate, and candy. Got to love a foodie family! 

After a couple of days I started to feel a sore throat coming on. Uh oh. Getting a sore throat on a vacation usually does not end well for me. (insert sad violin track here)

Surprise, surprise, the story had a good ending! Thanks to the hero: Thieves. (applause track here)

Yes, I took 1 drop of Thieves oil (a blend of lemon, clove, rosemary, cinnamon, & eucalyptus oils) in a glass of water once or twice a day for the next couple of days and the sore throat went away. Phew! 

I'm pretty sold on the these oily gems and I'm looking forward to finding new ways to use them! 

Message me to find out how you can start on your own oily journey, or click on the link below: 
https://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youngliving.com%2Fsignup%2F%3Fsponsorid%3D1641212%26enrollerid%3D1641212&h=9AQFV5yeJ

Check out the "Seed to Seal" video below!

Mexican Black Beans ~ Essentially Summer Recipe Series

Welcome to the Essentially Summer Recipe Blog Series!

We just learned from Courtney how to make Rosemary Roasted Potatoes. Click here if you missed it: http://www.goinggranolablog.com/2014/06/essentially-summer-recipe-series.html

Look what's on the menu today!

I'm super excited about this recipe! I've used a variety of ingredients and the flavor result is delicious.The essential oil additions not only bolster the flavor, but add extra nutritional value, as well. 

Here's the recipe:

Mexican Black Beans
Serves 4-6

(2) 15 oz. cans black beans, drained
(3) ears fresh corn, boiled in water for 8 minutes, drained and cut from cob
(2) tablesp. olive oil
(1) sweet onion or white onion, chopped
(2-3) jalapeños, chopped
(1) red pepper, chopped
(2) cloves garlic, minced
(1) cup beef broth
(1 1/2) teasp. cumin
(1/2) teasp. garlic powder
Frontera habenero sauce or other hot sauce to taste (optional)
(3) drops Young Living lime essential oil 
{http://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/singles/lime-essential-oil}
(2) drops Young Living coriander essential oil 
{http://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/singles/coriander-essential-oil}
(1) drop Young Living oregano essential oil 
{http://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/singles/oregano-essential-oil}
(2) tablesp. chopped cilantro
salt & pepper to taste

Directions:
Sauté onion, jalapeño, and red pepper in olive oil until softened, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and sauté for another 2 minutes. Add beans, corn, broth, cumin, garlic powder, and hot sauce, if using. Bring ingredients to a near boil then remove from the heat and thoroughly stir in lime, coriander, and oregano oils, along with the cilantro.
Serve as is, or use as a filling for tacos, compliment to white or brown rice, etc. 

Are you ready to jump into the wonderful world of caring for your family with therapeutic grade essential oils?
Click here https://www.youngliving.com/signup/?sponsorid=1641212&enrollerid=1641212
to learn more or contact the person who introduced you to the "Essentially Summer" blog recipe series!

Next up is Tara at Feels Like Home: http://www.feelslikehomeblog.com/2014/06/cilantro-lime-rice-with-beans/   
  
Be sure to check out all 35 posts in the "Essentially Summer" blogger recipe series. Click here: http://myblessedlife.net

Accidentally Helped My Heartburn

I accidentally helped my heartburn. In the process of trying some oils for allergies and potential cold bugs going around, I discovered instant relief from another problem I encounter from time to time: acid reflux.
I had read about the benefits of using lavender, lemon, and peppermint in a capsule for allergies. I started mixing this for my husband a week or so ago as he has been suffering with continual styes and weepy eyes for months now. We live near downtown St. Louis and Missouri is known as the allergy state. 
I thought that adding a drop of Thieves would boost the immune-building quality of the mix, so I put the four oils in a capsule for him. I put a lesser amount in a capsule for myself and began taking it, as well. 

About five days ago I began experiencing burning up my esophagus, burping, and just a general uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and chest. I've dealt with this off and on for awhile now. After taking my routine allergy capsule, the pain completely vanished and the symptoms went away. I had the same experience yesterday. I started feeling that acid-like sensation and after popping my oil capsule the pain was gone. 
I realize that there is more to this than just taking away the symptom, but it was a blessing to get quick relief when I've usually had to suffer with it for hours until it goes away and this includes after taking enzymes. 
Here's my concoction:
1 gelatin capsule
1 drop lemon
1 drop peppermint
1 drop lavender
1 drop Thieves
Drop oils into capsule and assemble. Take capsule with a glass of water. 
The oils mentioned above come in Young Living's Premium Startup Kit. For more info, click here: https://www.youngliving.com/signup/?sponsorid=1641212&enrollerid=1641212