Skeletons, Yet.

I first learned of the skeletons when I was a teenager. The ugly pile of unsightly bones came tumbling out of the closet. It shocked me. I'd grown up thinking Grandpa was a cool dude; a stinker of a man, yet tough and no-nonsense.
But then I found out.
Mom shared the family secret. It rattled my image of the man. It wasn't just Grandpa though. There were others, and I used to fantasize (or maybe they were dreams?) of pulling out a hand gun and threatening these abusers in the act. I wanted to go back in time and protect my mom, my aunts and uncles; the foster kids. I wanted to yell at Grandma for not protecting her kids. Where were those who would stand up and be advocates? But then, those were the 50's and 60's. Not many talked openly of such horrors.
Two winters ago I was watching the movie American Crime for my Literature Into Film Across the America's class at Webster University. I felt the blood leave my hands and I wanted to run out of the classroom as the cruelty and torture of Ellen Page's character intensified. The ideas were too close. Thankfully, in my mom's side of the family no one died (physically, that is). There wasn't torture per say, but there were some similarities. The movie was just too historically personal.
I cried in the hallway one day when I learned of the relentless physical abuse poured out on my uncle. It seemed he caught the most of Grandpa's rage growing up. Why? Why was he so angry? Why did my uncle have to suffer because of it?
"He tried to take my virginity," Mom had said to me during those pre-adult years, referring to angry Grandpa. My aunt, one of my mom's sisters, remembers him touching her inappropriately when she was just two years old. Another sister said she used to "kick him [Grandpa] where it counts" when he tried similar approaches.
The stories could go on and on.
One night, I was sitting in the car, waiting for my husband as he pumped gas and picked up a few goodies at the station. I think we were in Tennessee. It was the middle of the night and we were traveling to my folk's home in Georgia. A stunning thought passed through my head. Grace had gone there. Gone to that ugly and sick place, and I was amazed by that idea. It was as if I could truly see it for the first time and realized how astounding it truly was. The beauty of hope and light and God's relentless love was not afraid of the darkness. The skeletons were no surprise to him.
When my mom was 11 years old Grandpa made a decision to become a Christian, as did she. These post-Christian years were far from perfect, nor did they fix many of the deep struggles and sin patterns. For that I place a majority of the blame on the church and the hands-off approach to community that is all too common in America, especially among Christians.
Mom recalled a time when Grandpa, in the very act of his usual temptation, begged Mom to pray for him to overcome it. Still so much blackness, yet the tiniest streaks of light poked through.
Grandpa died when I was three years old. He was killed in a snowmobile accident. Only memories remain. Some good and many bad. From those ashes, my mom has grown and flourished as a believer and I think about the incredibility of fruit coming from such a place.
When Jesus walked the earth he really didn't have time for good people, but for the evil of his day: the prostitutes, murderers, thieves, etc. He came to call sick people, not the ones who had it all together. Religion is afraid of these types, but not grace. It runs right towards the muck. It knows the One who can beautify those ugly wounds; those bones.
Skeletons, yet. 

A Scare

So, last Friday I had a scare. I was getting ready to do a massage at Sound Stone Spa; a 90 minute on a woman who was referred by the owner's sister. I was encouraged to really "impress" this client.

Before my appointment, I went to the bathroom, and to my horror: blood. Not much, but immediately my heart started pounding. I thought, "Here we go again." I immediately let the receptionist know what was going on. I called the nurse at Mercy Clinic, and was prompted not to try to do the massage, but rather to put my feet up and rest. I was shaking.

The massage was cancelled, and I waited for Matt to come pick me up from the spa to take me to the clinic. I was encouraged by friends who told me they were praying for me. One woman, who is blessed with the gift of discernment, shared with me that she believed everything was going to be well and that God had this. I felt the Lord giving me a lot of calm.

Everything went better than I could have hoped. My vitals were all good. The doctor did an ultrasound and we got to see the tiniest of movements of my 7 week baby. He checked everything out: cervix was closed, and there was no sign of blood. He said that the baby was probably trying to find a good spot and decided to settle there, causing some implantation bleeding, which is actually a sign of health.

No bed rest was needed, and all regular duties could be resumed.

Phew! Praise God!

Cranky at 7 Weeks

So, I'm now at 7 weeks. I'm cranky tonight and I also feel so full and yucky. Most foods don't sound good these days, especially proteins, like meat and eggs. Mostly the meat tho. I have been trying to eat sweet potatoes, avocados, beans; thinks like that. Tonight I had some homemade gluten-free pancakes and nonfat Greek yogurt with cinnamon and maple syrup.

This afternoon Matt and I visited the midwife from Special Beginnings, off of Lindell Street. Barbara, one of the two midwives who works there, is a beautiful woman in her mid-forties with a wonderfully warm and caring, yet professional manner. We would love to do a home birth. There is a slight risk with first-timers of delivering still born, but even with a hospital birth there are no guarantees. There's a lot to think about between risks, insurance and out of pocket costs, rather thin walls where we live now, etc. Somehow I hope the home birth thing works out for us...next week I go in for my first check up at Mercy Hospital. That's my plan B.

Got to get on a regular exercise program. Have gone on a few walks, but that's about it.

A New Chapter

One week ago today my husband Matt went to the local drugstore and purchased a pregnancy test.

The week prior we went to Clark Trail and walked for three hours in the newly-welcomed spring sunshine and warmer temps. My husband left to go visit his parents in Lakeland, FL the next morning. Throughout the week I had various symptoms that I thought were precursors to my cycle. There were some odd symptoms, however. One night I woke up with burning in my throat, which I'd never experienced before. Something like heartburn.

My husband returned on Friday, and I started to worry that perhaps I was going into peri-menopause. After all, I'm 42! It's weird to even type out that number and look at it. It somehow doesn't seem to fit. I don't feel 42, whatever that means.

Last Sunday I couldn't take it anymore. I'm pretty on time, and hardly ever late, and never this late. Matt asked me if I'd like him to get a pregnancy test. I said, "Yes."  At least we could rule this out and then go from there.

The results didn't take long. I stared at the tiny screen on the test wand in disbelief: "Pregnant." At first, I was just surprised and a little excited, but then my stunned enthusiasm quickly turned to fear, and I wondered, "What if I miscarry like before?"

Well, another week has come and gone. Soon, I'll be seeing the doctor and we can get a real understanding of what's going on inside of me. If my projections are correct, I'm going into my sixth week. I've had bouts of nausea (Young Living peppermint, ginger, and patchouli oil in a capsule help this), some cramping, and lots of fatigue. People tell me I look really good (the stereotypical "pregnancy glow"). My biggest craving has been dairy. I still love avocados, which is good, as they are supposed to be one of the best things you can eat while you are pregnant.

For months, I've been using Young Living products, namely clary sage, EndoFlex, Progessence Plus, Ningxia Red, basil, and other oils. I know that God is involved big-time, and I'm pretty sure that part of his work has included the use of these amazing products. 

This is a new chapter in the Antolick household. We are so excited and thankful. Whatever the future holds, very grateful to be on this venture and entrusted with this little life, whoever he or she may be!    

Creating Aromatherapy: A Day in the Life

Several months ago I created a couple of aromatherapy sprays for a local market I was to take part in. Blending scents is one of my most favorite and relaxing hobbies. Here I'm putting together a blend I call "Woodstock," which is a mix of patchouli, spices, and fir. As a fragrance "snob," I appreciate the high quality products Young Living produces, and have enjoyed using them every day. These pure plant essences create vastly different effects than synthetic fragrances do. Working with these oils lifts my mood and gives me a sense of well being. Their holistic influence is a wonderful side benefit!

 

 

To learn more about the world of aromtherapy, click on the link below and go to the "home" tab. From there you can learn about the many unique items Young Living has to offer. It's an amazing world just waiting to be discovered! 

http://bit.ly/1tKdfHu

                                   

Tips from Massage & Bodywork

I want to keep learning. After all, it keeps the brain sharp and life much more interesting. As a therapist, especially, I want to keep learning about my craft. So yesterday, I picked up the latest issue of massage & bodywork, the January/February 2015 edition, and started reading the article on "What It Takes To Create A Lifelong Career." 

I highlighted a couple of things, which I thought were especially applicable to me: 

1. Spot-treating, as opposed to whole body work. Ken and Alma Carroll, a couple who contributed to this article said that their business "turned a corner" when they started doing spot treatments on their clients. I agree. This is what I've started to do more of, and it's really making a big difference with a couple of my clients, one of which spent thousands of dollars on unsuccessful conventional treatments for a chronic pain issue that's lasted a few years now.
2.  Experiment with other types of massage modalities. This one was good for me, as I tend to lean towards similar methods or continuing education classes over and over, particularly Thai massage and aromatherapy.
3. Ask tough questions. In the article, there are a list of questions that every therapist should ask his or herself. It may be uncomfortable to think about where I fall short, but it is absolutely essential to success as a therapist. I need to work on this one more and "be prepared for honest feedback."
4. Walk the talk. I haven't been practicing this one so well. I need to take more time out for regular massages and personal wellness. 

Bodywork is a whole big world, even universe, of unique and interesting things to learn, one which requires curiosity and passion; courage and discomfort. Here's to growth and change in the new year!

Check out my website: www.bridgettantolicklmt.com for massage offers and info in the St. Louis, MO area.

My Post on Sage

I got a new oil in the mail last month from Young Living: sage, not to be confused with clary sage. I was curious to try this, as I love the smell of the herb, fresh or dried. It's pungent and herbaceous; slightly smokey. A fellow massage therapist I knew mixed it with geranium oil and used it as a cleaning spray for her massage chair. I remember loving the smell, which is why I decided to mix it with Joy, (a blend of bergamot, geranium, rose, jasmine and other oils) in my diffuser. I have some diffusing in my living room right now. The blend is clean and relaxing; sweet and spicy; uplifting. I love oils! Use 5-6 drops of sage, and 3-4 drops of Joy for diffusing. 

 

 Sage has been used for many things, including stuffiness, aches & pains, regulation of emotions & bodily (especially female) systems, and cleansing. For many years Native Americans have used the smoke of burning sage to cleanse spaces and other objects. 

As a teen, I would often cure a sore throat by making a cup of sage tea and drinking until the pain had gone. Though I don't have a sore throat right now, I expect to try a drop of sage oil in hot water if I do get one.

Sage oil could be helpful for cleansing the skin, unclogging pores, and toning. Here's a recipe for a skin toner (better for normal to oily skin) with sage oil:

1/4 cup of witch hazel

1/4 cup distilled or purified water

4 drops of sage oil   

http://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/singles/sage-essential-oil

3 drops of lavender oil  

http://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/singles/lavender-essential-oil

3 drops lemon oil

http://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/singles/lemon-essential-oil 

Blend well and store in a glass or aluminum spray bottle. Spritz onto face after cleansing or anytime you feel the need for a pick me up. Could also be used as an underarm deodorant or body spray.

If you'd like to learn more, click on the link below to read more about or order essential oils, or to scroll through the great essential oil kit collections (saves ya tons!): http://bit.ly/1tKdfHu